Mechanical prowess

Let's face it - I just don't have it. So the van has a dodgy catch on the bonnet - discovered as I was trying to check the oil and water in preparation for the trip south next week. Basically the cable release is old and stretched and so doesn't release the catch.

The thing about things like this is they are always impossibly difficult to see and get to. I mean - hats off to the designers who manage to fit all kinds of engine bits into a small space but it's pure hell trying to service the bloody things. And you never quite have the right tools.

The only way to get into the engine was to take the front grill off and then pull the cable release with pliers. Getting the front grill off was easy at first but then I met two attachments that I didn't have space to unscrew without the bonnet open. This is the kind of thing that make me just plain livid.

So you wander off and think about it for a bit. Conceive an alternative approach which is equally quickly thwarted. Fuckit.

After a few attempts I resorted to brutality and with hammer and screwdriver I beat the canny little attachments to smithereens. Ha! Take that you smart arsed P*()^. Only slightly shredded my hands in the process.

There must be a way of shortening the cable rather than replacing it - bit it's impossible to see inside the lever mechanism without taking out most of the panels in the cab. Still at least I can now check oil and water - if rather inelegantly - and those two attachments were over engineered - the front grill is detachable and safely re-attachable.

But I think you can tell - the ruggedly magnificent van which has comfortably survived 112000 miles will soon become a quivering wreck under my stewardship. Which is a pity of course.