Comedy body

One of the dis-benefits of being up here, living a life of idyll, is the time you have to dwell. Hypochondria is never more than a finger prick away. Here is my current catalogue of woes.

• Regular readers will know about my sore thumb. This continues to be exacerbated by my manly refusal to give it a rest. But thumbs are things you use a lot and the times when I notice my sore thumb most are - putting on shoes, and switching off lights This latter may seem strange, but all the light switches in the cottage are really stiff - and they hurt my po liddle thumby whumby.
• Right knee - giving me jip like. I like to think this is a recurrent injury I've had since cycling the Pyrennees, but maybe it's just the knee giving up on having to carry all my excess weight.
• My right heel. What's that about?
• The ball of my left big toe. Ditto.
• I've pulled a muscle at the top of my back. This is self inflicted by my insistence that nothing is too heavy - it's all about mind over matter, or if that fails, brute aggression.
• Very stiff shoulders - especially my right shoulder. This I attribute to driving the van all the way down and then all the way back in under a week.
• And I so need a haircut.