Thursday 1 May 2008

They came from the East


The TPLF - Tweetie Pie Liberation Front. These reckless vandals claim that the urbanisation initiative is a global colonialist conspiracy to enslave the so called free birds to capitalism. They liken our offerings of dried crusts to the actions of a drug dealer giving free fixes to entice innocent songbirds into a life of prostitution and crime.

How ludicrous! We love our feathered friends. But they struggle - scraping a meagre subsistence life from this barren land. With our help they could enjoy the fruits of a consumerist society - we want to build nest boxes, hang strings of lardy stuff embedded with peanuts. This would make them happy.

The TPLF are radical fundamentalists, their views hark back to the dark ages. Primitive misguided fools.

Is it a coincidence that we heard a cuckoo the day before this wanton destruction? I fear not. The cuckoo is the ring leader and we will seek him out and bring him to justice. We cannot allow this fanatic to brainwash our young innocents.

We have received intelligence reports that the cuckoo is intending to infiltrate the nests of other birds and destroy the chicks of any who do not subscribe to their primitive idealogies. We take these shocking reports seriously. This abhorrent terrorism must be stopped.

The tweetie pie urbanisation intiative will continue. We will rebuild the bird table, bigger and better than before. We will introduce ID cards and strive to ensure that all birds are ringed so that we can track their movements and identify co-conspirators. And we shall not rest until the cuckoo is ousted from its hide-outs - in hills woods and whins the cuckoo will be silenced.

Or maybe it was a bit windy last night.

2 comments:

Jussi said...

I'm concerned with the bad press you're giving to cuckoos. I wonder what's at the heart of this. Could it be the poor cutsy wutsy chickies that the big fat cuckoo chicks tend to displace?

I know cuckoos are c*@% parents, but they do tell us loud and clear that Spring is here!

I saw my first swallow yesterday too!

The Speaking Goat said...

GULP! (ha - joke)

I sense a fifth columnist. Whatever that is.