Nematodal belief systems and biological knowledge deficits

Biology has been unable to explain something that gardeners have long understood. That is, that in the dark worms travel at the speed of light. So ashamed are biologists of this lack of understanding that they remain absolutely silent on the issue and will even deny the truth of it. And yet astronomers know something is going on - which is why they named worm holes worm holes. Worm holes provide a short cut across space and time and are named in recognition of the amazing speed a worm can travel.

Their enthusiasm boils down to their religion in which worms who die by the spade are guaranteed eternal life zooping about with gay abandon from worm hole to worm hole. So when they hear a spade strike the soil they all rush madly to get under it. This is why you can't dig a hole without splicing worms.

Tonight there will be a huge celebration in my veg garden. Worms from all over the world (after all they can travel at the speed of light) will congregate to celebrate the uncountable number of ex worms now in wormvana following my tattie planting. To celebrate they will have ritualistic duels with mice, which they will round up from miles around. These duels take a form similar to bull fighting, only instead of a red cloth they use green pea shoots. The devastation to my newly germinated darlings will be evident in the morning.