Slowly they venture forth

Today, Ailsa is wearing a jumper designed knitted by Jussi. The design is reminiscent of the colours of the Sutherland hills in Autumn.

The goats were quite shy of their new surroundings - and it was their first ever contact with an electric fence which did little to settle them. But they are out and enjoying the nettles. They'll be gambolling in no time.

Goatlings

We have 4 goatlings - I can't name them yet, but the black ones are British Alpines and all have names derived from Gwendolyn, and the white - a Saanen - has a name derived from Margo (Ailsa insists on referring to Margo as Mango - after a Mii I created (on the Wii for those who don't know). One day I'll post a picture of Mango.

Gwendolyn

The vet looked at the off-colour Gwendolyn and confirmed travel tetany. He also noted Jussi's colour - very clearly a bit new and green and prescribed calcium and magnesium, vitamin and broad spectrum antibiotic. We await the bill. I strongly object to the routine use of antibiotics and might have questioned this had I been there (instead of blogging!).

However - here she is half an hour later already looking much better - and fit for some adventure.

G + 1

Day one of the goats and Jussi and Ailsa were up and 6 to go off and make sure they'd settled in. Of course they hadn't. The old matriarch - Gwendolyn - was unhappy, not eating and distinctly unhappy looking. We think this is transit tetany, the cure of which involves a huge sub-cutaneous injection of calcium and magnesium (not the pure metals....). Jussi phoned the previous owner - the advice was a banana, bread and call the vet.

Jussi is delighted that Gwendolyn likes sour-dough bread. I think they'll get along just fine.

And then there's the vet - who I think I've just heard drive up - so I'll go see how that's going. And I'll remember the camera too. I think I'll then begin a new series of postings called "vet bills".

G day

Up at 6, away by 7 for the long drive into darkest Aberdeenshire. When we arrived all I wanted was a cup of tea - but we had feeding troughs to dismantle, a van to load with feed and hay and feed bins and frightening-looking medical machinery. Then we had to empty a couple of goats of milk (also called milking I guess), tag the goatlings and and. Eventually I got a wee cuppa while the paperwork was sorted. Then the goats were loaded onto the trailer and home we not quite sped.

In all this excitement the camera stayed in the van (sorry!).

As a quick aside, I need to sing the praises of the van - it coped superbly with what was a heavy heavy load. ("La la la laaaah la la"). Good. Done that.

I'd been a bit nervous of towing - I've never done it before - but it was a doddle. The worst bit was having a police car behind us for about 10 miles. I wasn't sure if the speed limit far a van towing is 40 or 50 - so I stuck to 45 and they didn't bother us. The hardest part of the journey was was circumnavigating Elgin. The town signs proudly pronounces: "Elgin - making an impression". I'd like to suggest a change to that, it should be "Elgin - making you dizzy". Sooo many roundabouts. As I was a long van towing I decided the best way of negotiating roundabouts was to make full use of every available lane. I think somewhere inside of me there's a budding trucker.

I even managed to reverse a couple of times.

When we got back we had to transfer the goats from the trailer to the stables. This went virtually without incident - only two out of the six managed to escape.......

Friday night 9

It's gala week so the pub was heavin'. We were just getting into the swing when we were called away due to a largely imaginary attack of illness on our daughter. Honestly!

Anyway -- Grrrr. There was no Friday night.

Today there has been more gala-ing - a grand procession of five floats lead by a troop of bagpipers and then all sorts of fun and games in the school field. Our friendly mohican was dressed as a nurse complete with fishnet stockings. It was fun and I was better at archery and haggis throwing than Jussi. There's much more tomorrow but unfortunately we'll miss it as tomorrow is truly G Day........And we think we're ready for 'em. It's sooo exciting!

Truly madly goatly

All stops are out for getting ready for G day. The weather has come in but it's not too bad. We have a working electric fence and Jussi is making doors and bits and bobs like a mad doors and bits and bobs thingy. Meanwhile I've accepted some consultancy work - it's a lot to do in a short time scale, but money is money and at this stage in the business I have to take on anything that comes my way.

The really good news is that Ailsa has a sleep over tonight so there will be a Friday night in the pub. Looking forward to it. The campsite is looking full so there's a chance of some exotic specimens to offset the usual suspects.

New roof for the goats (2)

So here it is! There's a gable end to finish but it looks like a roof eh?

I can proudly claim to have helped to build this - I passed the box profile sheets up to David to attach - a very important job I'll have you know.

I'm posting a picture of how it looked in September last year - real progress (but a slightly depressing reminder that it's not always hot and sunny here!). The shot looking inside features on of Jussi's magnificent doors.

Things are looking good for goats on Sunday. Meanwhile I've taken on some consultancy work which Jussi aint over-joyed about and my underpants keep falling down. Is this because the elastic is spent or because I'm losing weight?

And Jussi has been forwarding me messages from a guy in Caithness who's got some piglets for sale (saddleback x largeblack). I'm torn over this - surely it would be a mistake to take on pigs on top of goats at the same time - too much learning to cope with all a once? But then again we'd manage wouldn't we? And have some fabulous pork/ham/sausage for the winter. The jury is still out on this one - what should I do what should I do?

In and around Wick

We headed off in the van and spent most of the day running messages for friends and buying more kit for goats. Bleedin' expensive all this animal husbandry stuff ye know.

We also visited another goat keeper. I've met a few now. They are all mad.

When Ailsa got bored of being in the van she was given the camera so here is a picture of Wick, and of a small wind farm outside Thurso (with apologies for the fly-splattered windscreen).

Snaehoha

Hidden in nearly every clump of grass around the croft is some old piece of machinery. Its a joy to unbury them and wonder.

I reckon this magnificent beast - named Snaehoha by Ailsa - was a turnip shredder to open neeps and the like for feeding to animals. It has lost it's plunger - but I wouldn't have thought it would be too difficult repair and we will if ever we need to. It is a magnificent looking thing.

We are bringing together a vast amount of scrap iron as a result of unearthing these tools of crofting past. One day, I tell myself somewhat foolishly, I will build a wind sculpture out of it all. It will clang away all night and frighten off all the ghosties, whilst providing a sort of aural security blanket - once we're accustomed to the din that is.

New roof for the goats

Here is a not so particularly useful picture of David the joiner putting on a new roof for the middle of our three outbuildings. This will be finished by the weekend (despite the thunderstorm we are currently enjoying - though I doubt David is). This level of joinery is far too advanced for Jussi (and me - but then I'm not far short of useless anyway).

Jussi spent yesterday making beds for the goats out of pallets. We can get used pallets free from Allens of Gillock, and you can make anything from a good supply of old pallets. At least Jussi can. I'd hoped Ailsa would take piccies of Jussi's work - but her feet are far more interesting.

Fences

One of the people who have promised us goats visited on Sunday - they seemed happy enough with the set-up we have here, and had lots of useful suggestions about how to improve things. It looks as though we are on for the goats and on Sunday we'll make the 8+ hour round trip to Aberdeenshire to pick up 2 saanens and 4 british alpines.

Unsurprisingly the fencers haven't come up with the goods but we have 200m of electric fencing as back up. There's four wires here and as we were putting in the bottom level I was saying to Ailsa that I should really cut back the undergrowth before we lay this wire - but I didn't.

Then I decided that I needed to cut back the undergrowth (which otherwise shorts the fence) and got out the strimmer. I would say I was almost 1/4 of the way round before the strimmer caught the fence and mangled it. Then I had to dismantle the strimmer to get all the wire out of it, and splice the shredded fencing back together.

Note to self: - I really don't have to be quite so completely stupid. I knew it would happen and it did and it took an hour or so to undo the damage caused.

"What can I do?"

Oh the joys of school holidays. Ailsa was bored so I sent her out with the camera and asked her to take some record shots of how things are progressing. She took over 50 pics - 22 of them of her feet. The next four posts feature the useful piccies. Here are some thistles - we've yet to try to eat them.

Her best friend has returned from hols to discover they have chicks - so Ailsa spent all day Sunday ferrying them around (completely unnecessarily by the sounds of it), falling in mud and being attacked by what Ailsa calls gad flies (we call them clegs or horse flies). Yesterday she helped me to put up the electric fence.

"Daddy, when you lie on your back in the water like that, your nipples look like udders"

There - proof we went swimming yesterday - I couldn't make a comment like that up.

It was great fun and we spent nearly two hours in the water. The water was warm in places and freezing in others. And we finished it off with a fish supper. Fab.

Crops

We've had a good crop of visitors this week - Struan and Grannie Denise from Dunbar and Wick on Thursday, a neighbour last night to help with a grant application and Rowanne and family from Dunbar today. And a good smattering of trades people getting things moving on the croft for good measure. And the weather has been perfect - hot and sunny with a warm warm breeze. In fact today it is too hot to be outside just now so I'm in hiding until late afternoon when I'm hoping we'll all go off to the beach and get some of that North Sea swimming experience.

Hopefully the weather will stay tomorrow when we are expecting one of the people who have offered us goats to visit. They want to assess our set-up to make sure the goats are coming to a good home. Fingers crossed for that one - although there is still the spectre of the outbreak of goaty TB to scunner these plans.

Cleaning walls

These are the walls Jussi has been cleaning down. A nasty job indubitably.

But we have a wee problem - this end wall of the three outbuildings collapsed after the old roof was taken off in preparation for a new roof. One step forward two steps back - but remember, the man who made time made plenty of it.

Heraldry

When we are hugely successful and world renowned we will have a coat of arms made. It will feature rampant thistles, cucumber passant and invisible goats.

But lo - the cotyledonous leaves are leaving - these are real leaves man! We'll have cucumbers before the end of the world. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot that there are in fact two thriving cucumber plants in this picture. Riches!

Well done Lulu and Christian

Jussi has had a bit of a rough time over the last week - with all sorts of conflicting messages about the arrival/non arrival of goats and battling to get trades in to do much needed work in preparation for said goats. Of course trades the world over have a motto "There's no hurry - the man who made time made plenty of it" - but up here they've really taken this to heart. Things are coming together, and reasonably quickly - but it all feels so agonisingly slow if you happen to be in a hurry.

Lulu and Christian leapt forth and rushed in as Jussi's moral support. Although Jussi took care to visit the bottle bank before I got home, there is enough evidence to suggest that alcohol played a fair part in that supporting activity. As did a very creamy fish pie the cooking vessel which I somehow ended up washing up.

So thanks to you for the support, the bespoiling of the thistle party, the straw, and for not being too thirsty and leaving a fair few tinnies for my refreshment.

Someone has been reading my diary

I've been on holiday, and someone knew about this in advance and told all their friends about it so that they could party madly while I was away. Personally I think it was the thistles what did it and they recruited lots of support to binge on my garden - including buttercups, dog rose and the ever pervasive ground elder.

Sunrise 04:51, Sunset 21:54

I'm back - and boy is it hot up here. Fabtastic. I've got loads to update you with and the return of the camera will mean there'll be piccies to enhance the whole experience.

But I've just had a call from a consultancy firm asking if they can add me to a team they are pulling together for a tender. Of course I said yes - which is why, on this glorious day, I'm sat in front of my laptop rather than being outside - and why am I blogging instead of doing the little bit of preparatory work they've asked me for? Mmmmm

Delays

There have been some delays. Most importantly, the goats are delayed. I just had a call from a new goat-keeping friend to say that there's an outbreak of TB in goats so movement may be restricted for a while. So - no goats tomorrow.

The joiner was coming to put a new roof on the stable yesterday, but he got delayed because he had to finish off something else first. He offered to do it today, but he was keen to go to the Caithness Show in Thurso and I didn't have the heart to make him work instead, especially since the goats are not coming yet. He'll be here on Monday (fingers crossed).

The fencing, of course is not done yet either, but at least the materials are here and everything is ready to go as soon as the grant application is put in and approved. That's assuming I can get hold of the fencer.

Meanwhile, I've started clearing up the main stable. I've moved all the wood I (and the previous owner) had hoarded in there, taken out all the mucky stuff and started on brushing off the walls. It's starting to look good and it's a cracking Plan B if the roofing is delayed some more. And I have restored power to the croft! Simon's demolition work had left a lot of the wiring frayed, but now it's all lovely and safe again. The joiner will be pleased when (if?) he turns up. And I can use my new power-washer to clean the stables!

Neighbours

Jussi here - my first post! I couldn't leave you guys hanging like that, wondering whether the bale is still in the van etc., so here goes.

The bale is not in the van anymore! I called our favorite neighbour, and right enough, he had a tractor with a loader sitting in his shed. Said neighbour is working, so he couldn't come and help. He asked if I had driven a tractor (no) and whether Simon is around (no!), so he got another lovely neighbour lined up to help. First thing this other neighbour arrived with the tractor and got the bale out. Sorted. I was happy. But that wasn't enough for him. The next day I was expecting a delivery of fencing materials, 1/2 lorry load's worth of materials. I had been warned that the drivers would swear a lot if they had to unload the lot by hand, so I was keen to keep the tractor. But the tractor was nearly out of diesel. So the neighbour drove the tractor all the way over to his place, put some more diesel in, and brought it all the way back. And all that before going offshore in the afternoon!

Lovely neighbours.

The fencing stuff arrived the next day and they managed to unload it fine. The tractor didn't help as much as I'd hoped and there was a bit of swearing, but nothing too bad.

Back at the croft

Jussi is working her guts out.  Today she's been to Gillock and bought a van full of stuff including roofing materials for the goat shelter - this will be fitted on Friday.  On top of the roofing material is a giant bale of straw she managed to buy near Wick.  But how to get it out?  She's thinking of tying a rope around it and driving away.   But she's trying to find a neighbour with a forklift to help her out.

Oh and she's bought feed and feed bins and all sorts of other bits..... she even found some free pallets - something she has a wee bit of an obsession about...

She might get round to blogging - I'll do my best to find ways of blogging if she's too busy - or knackered as she is now - to keep you up to date.

Art attack

Ailsa and I are in Hull and so far we've managed to go to Hornsea - decided it was too windy to row on the mere but we had fun in the sea and fantastic fish and chips ( the best ever!) and mushy peas of course.

Today we've been at the Yorkshire sculpture park.  Great fun - lots of room for Ailsa to run about - but unfortunately she walked Ted into a Sophie Ryder sculpture and he know has a very nasty looking cut on his nose (Ted is blind - Ailsa was leading him and was a bit too enthusiastic about the approaching art.

The Deep tomorrow.

Soooo busy

That I can spend a couple of hours catching up on others blogs. Here's a veg patch to die for...

And another post from the same blog - these guys are totally strapped for cash but still manage to hold to their principles. I think we might have to do some thinking about how much we compromise our ideals. Then again shopping locally would nigh on double our food bills and we still wouldn't be buying local produce, and we'd lose a lot in quality and variety.

api.home

This blog is getting quite a few referrals from "api.home". Can anyone tell me what this is?

Panic

The trip to Inverness went well - though I seem to have got a bit of Ness's revenge (a bit like Montezuma). The van now has a tow bar - what a proud moment - if only Jussi hadn't taken the Camera to Hamburg I could fill the blog with stunning tow bar piccies.

Tomorrow I go to Edinburgh, then on to Hull then Durham returning late July. And there's so much to do today. The place is a tip.

I'll not be blogging for a couple of weeks - but there's a lot happening while I'm away and I've invited Jussi to keep you up to date with the grand arrival of GOATS! Can't promise she will - she'll be busy like. And she'll be panicking like something that panics a lot and is really funny but I can't think anything just now.

I'll leave you with this little thought provoking thought from Tom Waits who's currently trying to shake the cottage down curtesy of a very loud iPod - (one of the very great joys of living no where near anyone):

When you hear sweet syncopation
And the music softly moans
T'aint no sin
to take off your skin
and dance around in your bones.

How many degrees of sad git?

I watched a prog on the box last night about Anthony Minghella (he who wrote and directed Truly Madly Deeply, The English Patient, The Talented Mr Ripley etc).

The most startling fact about him was that he went to Hull University (no really). While he was there he developed a friendship with the playwright Alan Plater. Now my mate John's mum was a close friend of Alan Platers and I often used to have quick hello's with him. This puts me two degrees of separation from Jude Law, Juliettte Binoche, Alan Rickman, Juliet Stevenson, Nicole Kidman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon and.......in fact I almost feel like I live in Hollywood, where, instead of re-heated curried mould, I could be eating like this. (Well LA is almost Hollywood innit!)

But I guess as claims to fame go it's not that good. Not as good as my mate Tagd's mum who used to share a river boat in Paris with that woman from Planet Gong.

Which reminds me that I always meant to tell you that it is really weird driving across the flow country, windows wound down with Gong blasting out.

The original meaning of weird is: "having the power to control destiny".

Integrity x 3

That soup didn't sound so nice did it? Well I wrote the recipe before I didn't cook it. I didn't cook it cos I found a jar of curry paste and so I made a curry from exactly those ingredients - I fried the spuds to accompany it - and it was wonderful. Most intoxicating. It'll be even better tonight.

I finished the work I was doing for Changeworks. Well I didn't exactly finish it - more I've stopped doing it. A bit dissatisfying really - I'd have much rather got it closer to completion, and I seem to have spent a lot of time researching and thinking and only written a few (tens of thousands of) words. Now I'm at a complete loss as to what to do..........

So I rushed out and chased the remaining sheep off our land and restored the fence where they'd been getting in. I have to be early in the morning to go to Inverness - I fully expect our fields to be full of sheep. But hopefully not - and the grass will have a couple of weeks to recover before the goats arrive.

Emergency food

I'm running low and don't want to shop until I go to Inverness on Thursday. (I'll go to Tesco - they've kindly sent me a £4 voucher (if I spend over £40) and a 5p off per litre of fuel voucher too.

So here is my emergency food for tonight.

Smelly pink Potato and Spinach soup
INGREDIENTS
A bowl of boiled potatoes found hiding at the back of the fridge
4 or 5 spinach plants. Chopped very finely- the stalks are getting a bit woody.
Half a yellow pepper - be sure to discard the squidgy bits around the edge.
A tomato
A couple of onions - those two will do - it's only soup.
A bulb of garlic - if you've got it use it.
Stock cubes herbs and spices as the whim takes you.
Cheese
Oooh look there's some celery left as well

METHOD

1. Throw the tomato away - it's too far gone.
2. Do your best to chop the onion - but be careful soft slippery onions are dangerous. Chuck them in a large pan with butter/oil to fry off
3. Peel as much as the garlic as you can be bothered with and add to the onions
4. Chop the pepper and chuck it in along with the chopped celery - you can do this one handedly with a bit of practice.
   
5. Add to the pan the white bits of the potato - greeny blue or furry bits can go in the compost along with the tomato, the edge of the pepper and the blood stained onion skin.
6. Add a random selection of stock cubes, herbs and spices - but not too much of that one! Oh dear.
7. Add water.
8. Finely grate the cheese. Pay particular attention to the really hard bits - you've lost enough blood already - and they are surprisingly difficult to dissolve.
9. Add the spinach
10. Whizz up with a whizzer
11. Add the cheese and stir until you get bored of waiting for the hard bits to dissolve - a good tooth brush should get them off your teeth later
12. If, after all, you decide you have the courage to investigate the white fuzzy lump in the freezer and it turns out to be peas - add them and boil for a bit longer. If it turns out to be salt cod, think very, very carefully.
13. Best served in a clean bowl (the last one!)
    
14. Allow to cool while you have a good big dram of the cheapest whisky (which is all that's left). It'll cushion the blow.

I hope you laughed. In a few weeks I'll have perfected this recipe, maybe it'll help to recession proof me.

What an extraordinary recession! Surely we've never had a recession before that smashed into us with so little warning? Many of us have wondered for years how the credit card economy was going to end - I wonder if we're about to find out.

The third leaf (2)

Bizarrely the third leaf so joyously reported yesterday was a mirage. Looks like I'll have to wait a bit longer for those cucumbers.

Perhaps I'm hallucinating - a product of being on my own for so long. There are a number of other strange things happening which I believe to be related to the absence of Jussi.

Most obviously is the sink - it seems to be filling with dirty dishes - and the area around the television is getting pretty tricky to navigate around too. Normally this doesn't happen. Even when I put the water heater on so there's a tank of piping hot water....those minging dishes just don't go away.

And then there's clothes. I did a wash five days ago and hung it out on the line to dry and it's still wet! When Jussi hangs out washing she brings it in a couple of hours later all crisp and dry. I don't get it - I must be doing something wrong.

And then there's food. I seem to be running out.

The third leaf

I deserve a drink. A celebratory toast. One of my cucumber plants has developed a third leaf. I can't show you a piccy cos Jussi has the camera - but rest assured it's almost as big as the original two. They do look sad though - patchy and white, still - I'll be catching up with Liz in no time.

But I'll hold off brewing vinegar for now.

Sunrise 04:21, Sunset 22:21

But I'm still refusing to need any lights when I go to bed - and so far only a few bruises to show for it.

Ellie and Kier visited on Saturday. They left again on Sunday morning, just enough time for a tour of the policies, excessive alcohol and to nurture a lust in Kier for a wii.

I was supposed to be working on Sunday but somehow managed to spend most of the day watching the grand prix and Wimbledon. Bad Bad Boy! I'm working better today though - and I'm expecting it to be a zero human contact day (although I briefly saw a neighbour on Saturday and he's promised a visit sometime this week to talk fencing).

Human Contact 2

I know this doesn't really count, but I've just had a visit from a young, jolly and enthusiastic couple. Jehovah's Witnesses. I mean Pulease!

Unfortunately I was in the middle of working and didn't really want to be disturbed, which now they've gone I somewhat regret. They were fresh faced young things and it would have been fun to have a cup of tea with them I think. And work is driving me nuts anyway. Still I sent them off with a smile on their faces (one smile, two faces. Mmmm).

I've spent most of my life having little time for religious people. I used to think that belief in an almighty was an abdication of human responsibility. I'm much less judgmental now and attach greater importance to the spiritual and the humility of deference to a spiritual existence.

But then again, Jehovah's Witnesses are loonies.

Friday night

Advance notice - there'll be no Friday night. In fact today looks like it's a zero human contact day - not even the postie. Of course I was spoilt yesterday - postie and a trip to the shop and a phone call with Tom.

But I'll have visitors tomorrow. Ooh!

Human Contact

Actually contact with any living thing apart from flies and woodworm beetles (under strict instruction from Jussi to squish them on sight) would be welcome. Although there's the cats of course.

Jussi phoned from Hamburg yesterday - the only human contact. It's hot there - that kind of hot where everything grinds to a halt about noon. After a lunch of potatoes and green sauce followed by ice cream and red sauce - you go off and hide in cool shade at the bottom of the garden with the mosquitos and rotting plums. Around 4pm out comes the gin and you cool off with gin lime and ice. Nice. Happy Birthday Elizabeth (yesterday).

Those sauces don't translate so well. Green sauce is sour cream with all kinds of fresh summer herbs and chopped boiled eggs - it is amazing. And red sauce is basically summer fruit puree - equally fantastic (and not in the least basic - Elizabeth purees all the fruits by hand - it's a big job, but then she does go for industrial quantities).

I reckon yesterday was the hottest day we've had here. The mercury must have soared into the high teens - and it was coupled with a really balmy westerly which is what made the biggest difference. And I might not have those sauces but I'm cooking with celery (an ingredient banned by Jussi). Yesterday was celery simply braised with garlic, peppers, garlic, tomato, garlic, onion, garlic, potato, a pork chop and garlic and cabbage.

Today human contact will come in the shape of a phone call from Tom at Changeworks. Later I might go to the post office and refill our electricity stick (Scottish Hydro have given us a new meter - we don't have power cards anymore, we have a stick - doesn't sound like progress does it?). But I'd rather save the trip to the post office until tomorrow. Don't want to spoil myself.

sunrise 04:14, sunset 22:25

Hold on tight! My readership is falling off. This is because I am neglecting the blog.

Chestnuts
There's lots of reasons for this - but mainly it's because I'm trying to focus on a big piece of work I'm doing for Changeworks. I delude myself that if I don't blog I'll get more work done. So far it's not quite working that way but I still have high hopes. Another reason for the lack of blogging is a crisis of confidence over what the blog is - is it a public diary, a social commentary, inane and perhaps amusing ramblings - or what?

Anyway, Jussi and Ailsa are away in Hamburg leaving me here 'to get more work done' - ah that old chestnut again.

Sporting Heroes
The weather is glorious, I'm watching Wimbledon for the first time in decades - and thoroughly enjoying it - and wondering if I'll speak to anyone today. Yesterday human contact came in the form of a delivery driver.

I'm amused by the fuss over Andy Murray's remarks about not supporting England. For any English readers please be assured that a Scot who supports any English sporting endeavour is a very rare thing. It's in their blood. It's not so much that they like to see England lose (well sometimes maybe) it's just more that they prefer to see the other team win.

I had a similar problem during the football over that last couple of weeks. Obviously I was supposed to want Germany to win. But as hard as I tried I always found a reason to want their opponents to win. Many English people will understand that - they just need to take those feelings and transpose them to Scotland and they might understand Andy Murray's comments.

Friday night 8

The pub was full. There were 52 internet cyclists, a swelling crowd of visitors for the footie tournament tomorrow (Saturday) and it being end of term the teachers were in there getting slaughtered.

The cyclists, who came from all over, had met on the internet and then decided to tour from Lands End to John o Groats. Goie - the modern world huh? Of all the colours and shapes of tourist we get - cyclists are probably the least welcome. Highlanders are petrol heads and on single track roads cyclists and petrol heads just aint a good mix. I got into one conversation with a bunch of locals that amounted to a boasting session - tales of bumping cyclists on the wee roads. Being a cyclist myself (well ok - ex cyclist) - I tried to defend the cyclists position but it was a futile effort. Of course all their tales of sending cyclists flying into the heather was bravado - wasn't it?

School had closed at 12:30 - and judging by appearances the teachers had legged it to the pub the minute the bell went. That dash would be the last time they'd have use of their legs for several days. As the bar was full, Jussi and I had to grab a seat where we could - and that was amongst the teachers. We joined them in the middle of a fishing competition. Someone had tied an After Eight wrapper (cue slightly unsettling music) to a straw and the competition seemed to be about dipping said wrapper into each others drinks to the hilarity of all except everyone else in the bar.

Doubtless the After Eights (music starts to build the tension) had been gifted by some ungifted pupil hoping for better marks next term. But for me After Eights (oh god oh god what's going to happen) meant only one thing.

Choccy Foreheads (crashing crescendo). It would be unkind of me to blame Chris for introducing last weekends Mod with Choccy Foreheads. It was my own doing.

Choccy Foreheads involves placing an After Eight on your forehead and then migrating the rapidly melting confectionery to your mouth by means of facial contortions. It is a funny game to play and watch. And I succeeded on the first attempt and was rewarded with cooling mint and smudgy brown face.

Several teachers rushed in to take up the challenge. Unfortunately, excessive alcohol consumption had taken its toll on their coordination and they soon gave up. By 'soon' I mean immediately. They gave up because they couldn't find their foreheads. I wonder if they remembered Choccy Foreheads when they awoke to find their hair matted and pillows encrusted with minty goo. If they do I suspect I've blown Ailsa's chances at school next year.

Neglect

Not been posting too much of late. I'd like to say that this is because I've been working too hard - getting ready for the goats, for Jussi going to Hamburg, and me doing a spot of consultancy, but truth is I've just been wasting my time.

We had a great weekend, alcohol fueled (good beer likeasay) and late nights. And we had a mini Mod, each of us performing little, erm, performances. Really good. And if ever anyone has Chris or Shaun round you must get them to organise a league of match football - really went down well - even Claire who generally snorts at things sports-like got into it.

But now the beer has gone and I've not got a new kit to get started sob sob.

sunrise 04:11, sunset 22:28

Just about recovered from the beer and realising the impact of the shortening days - Aye the nights are fair drawing in - but I've been conned, all these years. June 21st is no longer than June 22 and June 23 - at least according to the widget.

There's a link to piccies of our midsummer on the drunken post below. Thankeee Chris.

shthfunrise 0408 thyunsthet 2229

Gd br. oo ee.
Fshanks shangeworks hic.

Crop envy

I was served gizzards once - with a flourish. We were heading for the Dordogne, and stopped off at a restaurant where gizzards took pride of place. A strange meal. I've often wondered about it since.

Liz - fae doon Haddington way - tells me she is enjoying her home grown cucumbers right now. Well here is a piccy of my cucumbers. It's hard to tell, but I don't think they're ready for harvesting just yet.

Summery forecasts

The weather is also behaving very nicely. Just now it's warm, windy, and sunny - a most uplifting combination. What will it be like tomorrow?

On the forecast on the telly last night I heard the following:
"So Saturday looks like a welcome return of summer with widespread sunshine and light winds"
what I saw on the weather map was England - all clear and good, but the most godawful splat of a dense raincloud covering the whole of Scotland.

No wonder the Scottish Nationalist Party are in the ascendant.

Incompletions

I doubt you can make a noun out of incomplete. But here is a quick list of current frustrations:

• We don't have a holding number with the crofters commission. The previous owners have at least a two step process to go through, and then the crofters commission have to start the process of transfer, which involves inviting stakeholders to comment on our intention to use the croft. We've had heads up that there are rumblings afoot that might make this less than straight forward.
• We still can't connect to the internet and have a phone connection. BT are full of empty promises.
• My kit for the next lot of beer still hasn't arrived. I purchased over £100 worth of stuff over the internet taking advantage of a free delivery option (we have a KW postcode so often get charged Island delivery rates - very expensive), since then I've received nothing but a torrent of excuses.

And we've discovered that hay and straw is very difficult to get hold of up here - what you can grow locally is poor quality on account of the 'moisture in the air' - which I suspect means rain. Most folk who need it import it from the Black Isle and beyond - over 100 miles away.

On the plus side, I've got the gold medal on tanks. 84 in case you're wondering. I'm having lots of fun trying to make a maze out of the stance of whins we have at the back of the cottage. It's not a designed maze - there are several small trees hidden in there and I'm cutting the gorse to make a track to the trees and making little clearances to give the trees a bit of space to thrive. Eventually one of these tracks will lead down to the steam at the bottom.

sunrise 04:08, sunset 22:29

Eeeking out the extra minutes. Tomorrow is the soltice, we'll have friends, a fire and food. Then it'll be downhill from there on in!

I want to capture the juxtaposition of the rising and setting sun but I think maybe I'm too old for that sort of thing.

Rebecca arrives tonight and I'll open the beer!

Phenotypic plasticity

It's a beautiful morning - I was awake early and rather than lying there I crept out of bed got dressed and headed to the croft for a spot of weeding. The sun was already quite high - but it was very still and the midges did their best to protect the weeds - but I stuck at it.

Phenotypic plasticity is the remarkable ability of most plants to change the way they look according to environmental conditions. I'm discovering how good thistles are at phenotypic plasticity. There are lots of thistles on my veg patch and it's difficult to get out the whole root. Each time you pull a thistle (and half it's roots) it will grow back a little bit pricklier until they grow masses of really prickly big prickles that can penetrate even the most prickle proof gardening glove. Picking prickly thistles with prickle proof gloves must have a tongue twister in it somewhere.

A somewhat less charitable example of phenotypic plasticity was on display on Monday night when the Crofters Commission came to town for a public meeting. The main discussion for the evening was the Shucksmith report into the future of crofting, which I've commented on previously. It was good to be at a meeting of crofters and hear from them that they felt most of the recommendations were rubbish. They also felt they had not been properly consulted and that the report had been overly influenced by people who don't croft.

One of the recommendations of Shucksmith is that the Crofters Commission be abolished. Now I've never heard ANYONE have a good word for the Crofters Commission - useless interfering pen-pushers is the best I've come across - until that is, someone suggests abolishing it - suddenly it becomes (with all it's faults but) a shining example of compassion and understanding of crofters needs.

But what Shucksmith really seems to have got wrong is the creation of a network of 'local crofting boards' that would have the powers to evict crofters from their land (not their homes) if the board felt that the crofters weren't crofting. The Board would also have the power to decide who the land should go to - potentially overruling the heritable rights that crofters have had for generations. This is not going down well.

Now to bore you with nuances - there are two ways crofters occupy land - one is an assured tenancy for which they pay an annual rent to the land owners, two is for the land to have been bought from the landowner under a tenants right to buy. Shucksmith proposes that these powers should cover even purchased land, so some crofters are facing the prospect of buying the land but then being told how they can use it and even being evicted from it. As one old lady remarked "Have we learned nothing from Communism?"

But it is a very real dilemma. Crofting is symbolic of Scottish resilience, hardiness (and oppression) and politically very important. The Government wants to protect it as a sort of window into the past. But it don't stack up - crofting doesn't pay. You can't protect a way of life that doesn't exist anymore (on several occasions I've heard old folk say 'In the old days we wanted for nothing'. (what no mobile phones/ playstations / washing machines??) It was repeated again at the meeting.).

Much of Shucksmith is trying to work out how to ensure that crofts continue to be worked - the answer is simple - money. If you make it pay to be a crofter then there'll be crofters. But then again if you make it pay it wont be crofting anymore because the essence of crofting was subsistence farming - that romantic ideal doesn't exist - except in the minds of idiots like me. But it could be made to pay - if there was a proper sustainable food strategy that recognised the importance of local food. And that, we hope, will come.

We have a field of thistles.

Silence of the lambs

Who the f*** thought of this as a film title? Lambs aren't silent.

Nor is the RAF. They're on a mission this morning bombing somewhere west of us and our silence is being punctuated by deep booming rumbles. This is a little worrying as as far as I'm aware the nearest bombing range is a good 30 miles away. There's low cloud cover so maybe the sound is being reflected - but it seems a long way for the sound to travel. Maybe they've just got the wrong bay and are bombing the shit out of some poor tourists. Oh well - a bit of a shame I guess.

Still it's good of the RAF to be so sensitive to the delicate economy up here - much of which relies upon the tourists who come all this way for peace, quiet and the unspoilt. The MOD are in the bad books up here anyway - having accidentally destroyed 350 acres of habitat a couple of weeks ago as a result of playing with tracer bullets (contrary to advice from SNH) - the resultant fire destroyed many coastal and inland habitats including blanket bog that will take a decade to recover, oh and just a few nesting rare birds.

Still we have to protect our oil supplies eh? Sorry I should have said we have to protect democracy and our right to 42 day detention without trail and to be spied upon by any jumped up local official who decides to poke in uninvited.

Rubbish school

I need a new word to describe things that happened but I didn't put in the blog - those interstitial things that fall through the gaps. Suggestions welcome.

It was parents evening at the school last week. Got to have a little chat with Teach. All seemed OK - but I have to say that I'm sorely disappointed.

Yesterday I got to walk down to the shop with Ailsa to pick up a sunday paper (as usual), read it in relative peace (as usual), cook the main meal of the day (as usual, except that today it was that great Scottish classic - Sausage Stovies - a necessary meal as Jussi had bulk-purchased sausages last week (BOGOF)) and watch the footy (Turkey: Czech - good stuff).

There were no cards, no special treats or anything. This is not an omission that Dunbar Primary school would have tolerated. They made sure that all occasions such as Fathers Day were properly and reverentially celebrated with beautifully crafted presents and cards made in school time.

Very poor show and nul points for the new school.

Movements

On the topic of movements - things are happening. In the last few days we've engaged a fencer, a builder and a joiner to get things ready for the goats. Yesterday we went to see a goats cheese lady over east, and although she was quite cagey and protective about many things, we learnt quite a lot.

Yesterday was also our first visit to Wick. Wick is quite nice, in a Scottish- town- that's- seen -better- days sort of way. It proudly boasts of being the birthplace of someone who's name I've forgotten who did someone remarkably insignificant which I've also forgotten. The nearby village of Watten, however, was the birthplace of Alexander Bain, the inventor of the electric clock.

Thurso - Wicks bitter rival (people from Thurso refer to people from Wick as 'dirty wickers'), was the birthplace of William Smith - the Founder of the Boys Brigade.

"Someone should" write an A-Z of all British - ach hell let's get ambitious - of all place names in the world with two sentence biographies of the famous people each place has spawned. It would be entitled "The concise pocket book of famous people", be marketed as an essential travel companion, and come in at around 15 volumes, foolscap.

Apparently foolscap is a 17th century term and refers to a type of paper that was watermarked with a jesters cap.

Next time I must take my camera.

Sharing 2

One consequence of shutting the cats outside to stop them using our home as a toilet is that word has got round every mouse, vole and shrew for miles that this cottage is a cat-free haven. Being a fairly messy household they are fulfilling a useful role in cutting our electricity consumption - we don't need to vacuum so much - they eat anything that falls to the floor.

No doubt they have toiletry needs too - but we've not noticed it yet. I think the cats will be allowed in again soon.

sunrise 04:08. sunset 22:26

The light around midnight is quite special. I'm not sure that my skills with the camera will do it justice - but I will try.

Midsummer is next week. I'm looking forward to cracking the beer. And we'll have visitors too, which I'm really looking forward to. Even the vegan.

Friday night 7

Unexpected consequences
Spanish lorry drivers. They've been striking this week over the price of fuel. The small-time fishermen up here are also being hammered by diesel prices and last night one was claiming that he can't catch enough lobsters to cover the fuel costs of getting them. But a bigger concern for him was the Spanish lorry driver strike - because he sells his lobsters etc onto Spanish lorries and they've not turned up this week. That's a weeks income lost with no drop in out-goings.

It seems to me that the real problem here is a cultural one. We seem to be the oven ready chip generation. There is no local market for the stunning produce these guys are bringing ashore. I imagine that oven ready chippers would scream the place down if confronted by proper food like a live lobster (well I know I would!). If our fishermen could sell from the quayside, or from local shops the price of diesel and revolting foreigners wouldn't be such an issue.

There were some oven ready chippers in the pub last night. A swollen throng of teenage girls were flumping around getting mars bars and diet cokes (I mean diet coke for heavens sake). Unusual for females to be in that bar - and there were two lots last night - shock horror.

And we have new bar staff. A Polish lad. Totally out of place. Apart from his lack of English, and you have to admire his bravery coming all this way to serve behind a bar when his total grasp of English amounts to a grin which stretches from one ear to the other and back again and apologetically fluttering eye-lashes, apart from that - he's a mirror moth. You know that type of young man fatally attracted to admiring himself at every opportunity - sharply dressed and agonised-over hair. I suspect he was part of the reason for the abundance of oven ready chippers last night.

I wish him luck. My god he's gonna need it.

Burning issues

The problem with the Irish referendum, and the whole issue around the European constitution and stuff - is that no one understands it No-one really seems to be selling the benefits and this makes the no vote inevitable - and the no campaigners can dredge up all kinds of issues with Europe, in the main not related to the constitution, making the no vote even more certain. This is a lack of leadership and poor leadership is rife across the democratic world (as far as I can see, and I confess that isn't really very far - but why should such detail stop me from making sweeping statements?).

And for all that it smacks of being vainglorious (whichever definition of that you choose (a reference to this - but I can't make it easy for you)), I admire David Davis for his stance over the 42 day detention and I believe he is right to try to generate a proper debate about freedom.

And then there's this madness.

Above all of this is the question of how many tanks you need to destroy on Wii Play to get a gold medal. I managed 79 during the week and still no gold medal. I'll battle on, selflessly, of course. And I shall prevail. But it is getting a tad time-consuming.

Lost

There is a railway station in Lairg (about an hours drive from here and the best place to pick up the train if you want to public transport to Inverness). Lairg is noted as a stopping point for the trains between Inverness and Wick on all the timetables. Lairg isn't very big. But I can't work out where the trains stop - I mean - where is the train station in Lairg? I've looked, driven through it, round it and across it, but there is no evidence of railway lines or station.

Can blue men sing the whites?

You have to hand it to Jussi really. She is flat out at the moment trying to organise everything for our goats - due in July. She's up against a ridiculous timeline but is just knuckling down and getting on with it. I'm helping where I can of course.

What Jussi is demonstrating is the power of vision. Knowing what you want to achieve. It is more than half the battle.

Meanwhile I'm hiding in little projects - like the garden, the house, the beer - and not really progressing a vision of my own, because, ermm, well, I don't have one. I'm beating myself up over this at the moment - I do need to paint myself a picture of what I'm going to do and go for it (and 'it' is singular). Just now I'm flirting rather half arsedly with too many maybes.

It'll come good, but it's depressing me just now. So I take refuge in the deliciously silly.

Modern crofting

Will it come to this for us?

Windy water weather

So at last our home is showing it's true colours. Wind and rain. Much more, just now, of the former than the latter. It's OK - I'm not complaining.

I seem to have come across a lot of references to weather recently.

When neighbour was round talking of fences we were picking his brains for what might grow where on our little croft. He professed to having no idea - 'It's all changed - can't predict the weather anymore, things happen at the wrong time of year - we used to get snowed in during lambing, but the last few years it's been shirt sleeves weather, and the wind - it used to be north-westerly just about all the time - now you never know where it's going to come from. I can't suggest things you could grow - Things keep happening at the wrong time of year. I don't know anymore' This guy has been crofting all his life - his family came here with the Clearances.

Then there's little snippets - like this.

And there's drought in New Zealand causing an energy crisis cos the hydro is drying up. And in Ethiopia and in India - just a few more million people queueing up for hand-outs after another crop failure (In Northern India the rains have failed for the last five years).

This is climate change. It's real, it's killing people and it is caused by you. And if you stop buying crap you don't need you might just help others to do the same, and this might just stop climate change getting really silly and killing billions. (Look for Working Group 2 report "Impacts, adaptation and vulnerability" and choose the Summary for Policy Makers in your preferred language. It looks heavy - page 13 contains the fun stuff. And remember - these reports are cautious).

But don't despair. If you start doing something now we can avoid the worst. Now.

Strimming

You know there's something manly about pulling that starter cord and the splut and roar as the strimmer coughs into action. And then there's the thrill of cutting down all that dense growth. Ah ha!

This lasts about ten seconds. Then it's just a chore. I spent more than two hours strimming yesterday - and came up with the following top ten strimming songs:

"No strimmin' no cryin'" - Bob Marley
"Black magic strimmer" - Santana
"You only strim when you're winning" - sports fans everywhere
"Got to strim there" - Jackson 5
"Strimming up that Hill" - Kate Bush
"Strim your own hole" - Chemical Brothers
"Cry me a strimmer" - Julie London
"Ten strimmer love song" - Stone Roses
"Your strimmer is big enough for me" - Catfish Keith
"Strimming Doctor What What" - Red Snapper

Now you might think that I could have made this list much funnier. But I had a constraint, all the songs I chose had to remind me of girlfriends. Well it wiled away the time.

It's now Monday - and it's raining (a bit) - first time for weeks.

Sunrise 04:12, Sunset 22:19

And continuing boiling hot and virtually midge free.

Friday night 6

Nothing noteworthy - just one of the drunken locals lecturing us on the relative merits of Ashanti gold weights.

Really.

Mod, moths, mozzarella, and Mach

Mod
The first concert I ever went to was The Who. I was about 9 or 10, and can still remember Pete Townsend's windmill and Roger Daltry swinging the microphone. Unfortunately Keith Moon made no impression on me at all. Which is a shame, I'd love to go back and see it again and watch Keith Moon's antics.

Toaday Ailsa sang at the Mod, as part of her school choir, competing against one other school (with the same music teacher - how quaint). I'd love to be able to tell you that the performances of the song celebrating the joys of a May morning were moving. Alas.

It's remarkable how SERIOUSLY it was all taken. 2 performances, 2 judges, each judge stood up and pronounced on the strengths and weaknesses of each performance, musical interpretation, accuracy of the gaelic etc for five minutes. Anyway Ailsa's lot lost - not having not pinned down the gaelic well enough.

Moths
Then we sped off to Borgie Forest for national moth day, and were treated to the excitement of opening a moth trap that had been set last night. This part of the event was fabulous and we saw all kinds of moths including stunningly spectacular hawk moths, beautiful carpet moths, prominants, pugs and many many more (like that's enough showing off about how much I know about moths - but it's important to record it now - I'll have forgotten it all tomorrow).

After a slide show we traipsed off into the wilds looking for moths. But the fresh water mussels, toads and dragon flies stole the show. I think Mr Moth was a bit peeved - I mean he certainly knew his subject, considering there are thousands of moths and many of them look very similar and he's only been studying them for a couple of years - and us all getting excited over a few toads.

We came home and I did a bit of gardening. Look at the piccies - I have lettuce and spinach and much more - and Lulu has given me some kale and lupin and it's all good. I cleared nettles away from the gooseberry and currant and found another toad. And there was a lizard in the cats water this morning - (this sounds like it should be some portent - I wonder what?).

Aye when there's lizards in the cats watter
It'll end with a splatter

So I'm hitting the red wine - you can't be too careful.

Mozzarella
And look at Jussi's door. She made this weeks ago - her first bit of carpentry, using reclaimed wood. It opens and it shuts and it even fits. A grand achievement.

Then it was time for pizza using Mozzarella made by Jussi on her cheese course. Another fabulous achievement.

Mach
There are things that we decide not to do, omit to do, forget to do, don't get round to doing, delay doing, can't be bothered doing and can't face doing.

Shaving for example. I hadn't shaved for a couple of weeks, and frankly the itchy mass was driving me nuts, so Today was the Day. And boy it hurt. So it was a slow process trying to spare myself the ripping pain of shredding my face off.

Unsurprisingly it gave me time to contemplate consumerism. I have a two blade razor - had it for years, in fact when I got it I seem to recall the innovation of having two blades was quite cutting edge (ouch). The blades for it have been discontinued now - cant buy them anywhere. Fortunately Jussi came across a shop selling them off cheap a couple of years ago and bought a stock of them. But when that stock exhausts what will I do? God forbid that I'm faced with the possibility of a five blade gillette mach wank. It's a perfect metaphor for the obscenity of consumerism - the stupidity of the notion that anyone needs a jet powered five blade razor. Mach my arse.

Hair is another things altogether. Ailsa wont let me cut mine. It is getting rather long. I mean we'll soon be talking pony tail here guys. Aaargh.

Finding me

I'm desperately trying not to become obsessed with how many people visit this blog. But it is important to me to know that a small (and growing) and loyal readership is out there. Some people chance across me by accident through a google search. Here are few examples of the things people have googled and ended up here. I hope they weren't disappointed:
"egg mayo"
"What should my priorities be" ( this person spent a goodly bit of time on the site - I wonder if it helped them?)
"building a lizard cage"
"cabbage recipes from Scottland" [sic]

Sadly, I mean very very sadly, I tried googling egg mayo to find out where this blog appeared. Jussi was calling me a sad git all the while, so I may have missed it, but I gave up at 956.....

Names

There's a neurosis I developed when I was a chief executive - it was a neurotic fear of upsetting people. This phobia developed because I found it incredibly easy to upset people - by saying something remarkably innocent - but then having a tormented member of staff, or usually their manager, at my door expressing disbelief at my crass insensitivity.

That is why this blog tends not to name people. Where people are named it's because the name itself adds something to the story, or because I've got careless. When I understand the local relationships better I'll perhaps become more confident.

We've just had a meeting with our neighbour discussing fencing. We got on to general chat and we were asking about who could help to renovate our outbuildings. The advice included speaking to: "Turkey", "Heep" or "Loppy". With so many people sharing only 2 surnames, and a general conservatism over the choice of first names, nicknames are essential. But it does somewhat baffle the incomer. Neighbour said "Loppy" - we gave him that look to say "Loppy" isn't a useful piece of intelligence for us, and he said, "Ah sorry, Angus, Angus Crow", Jussi wrote it down "You'll find him in the phone book under Mackay."

Nicknames are one thing, but multi-layered nicknames add another dimension altogether.

New pets

Jussi is back with a boxful of cheeses she made on her course. And who goes to a cheese making course in Plockton? Jussi, a lady from Stirling, a gent from Nigeria, and an Australian mother and daughter. Cor that's international innit.

But we now have some new pets - big lumps of stuff that need to be kept warm and turned every two days and then put away somewhere cool for a few weeks. They should be ready for eating in October. Meanwhile we have a fridge full of young cheeses and yoghurts tht need eating now. Yum yum.

Cask is doing fine. We tested him last night and the sugar I added has made a very big difference. It's much sweeter now - and it definitely needs to be left to finish that secondary fermentation. It's a shame cos the weather is absolutely perfect for sitting outside with pint. But it's probably for the best.

I didn't sleep very well last night. I have to go to Thurso for the grocery shopping today - I think the excitement kept me awake.

I've been hit

I've got an analytics program that runs in the background of this blog. It means I can see how many visitors I'm getting, where they're coming from and stuff - well it keeps me amused.

Yesterday my visitor numbers doubled. This is why: http://stonehead.wordpress.com/2008/06/01/10-crofting-blogs/

A useful resource for anyone interested in modern crofting.

Self Control 2

It's really very very nice beer. So I dived into the web and spent £100+ on more beer kits and accessories (it is really important to accessorise - Trinny and Suzanna said so). I'm so excited. But please don't tell Jussi.

We are less than 6 weeks away from the arrival of goats. Mama Mia!

June 1st

Was glorious - just a hint of breeze to keep the midges at bay - I spent most of the day sitting on the greass reading the Sunday Papers. A perfect day. And I didn't touch the beer!

Self Control

Of course Daniel is right - it is all about self control. But fuckit I haven't come all this way to exercise self control have I? The beer is fabulous. Very crisp, hoppy and refreshing. Ailsa and I went for a run in the van (we have to run the van about once a week to keep the battery charged - well it's an excuse anyway). We went to Strathy Point, Melvich and Portnaskerray.

The highlight of the trip was Ailsa taking her shoes off at the top of the cliff - one shoe inevitably rolled down the grassy cliff and stopped, tantalisingly, at the edge of a 40 ft drop - I had to use my best commandful dad voice to stop her running after it. I think I stayed remarkably calm under the circumstances - she was out of reach and she'd started to run after it when from my inner recesses arose commandful dad voice and halted her. When I caught up with her she insisted she could retrieve said shoe - in socks on wet grass. No chuck. I sent her to safety and stared down the precipice wondering if it was worth orphaning Ailsa for the sake of a shoe.

It's all about risk assessment innit? Likelihood of risk, consequences and things to do to mitigate against the risk. Well, the fact that it was her school shoe conquered all and I brought it safely back. It's nice when people are pleased to see you - like when my head resurfaced over the lip of the cliff - Ailsa's face was a picture of delight.

So I deserved the beer when we got back. I think it is as well that I did - cos it made me go back and check the calculation I'd done for working out the amount of priming sugar to add. I'd got it hopelessly wrong so I added more.

I wont touch it again until tonight maybe. But I'll definitely offer it tomorrow when key neighbour comes round to discuss fencing. (Boundary fencing divvy! really!)